We celebrated an anniversary today of when we had our first nature walk and when we held hands for the first time. After sharing our mutual joy in being together we spent some time pondering what to write for our first newsletter on our Sacred Journeys' website. We intuited that it needed to be about vulnerability, hermit crab, and relationships.
     Today as we walked on a beautiful path covered in fall foliage, Shari remembered and shared how nervous she was a few years ago walking on this same path. She recalled how as much as she wanted to connect, she had been terrified at the prospect of being vulnerable in our relationship. Also during our celebratory lunch today, Jonathan felt himself becoming very shy at the table and wanting to recede. It was ironic because just two hours earlier, as we were preparing for this outing, he was feeling so secure and confident. He noticed how there are still times when being very present and open with his beloved can bring up old fears. These fears triggered an impulse to protect himself from any possible emotional pain, even when he knew intellectually that he was safe with his wife.
     So, what has this to do with the hermit crab? The hermit crab is a crustacean whose shell is transitory. It lives in one hard protective shell until it outgrows it and then seeks another home which is more spacious. Jonathan remembered the first time that he saw a hermit crab in a souvenir shop on Cape May Point, N.J. He watched as some of the shell-less hermit crabs were crawling around to find their new shells. He empathized with the crabs and the dangers of that journey, knowing that in the wild those soft backed creatures were easy prey for any bird or other predator. He deeply sensed their vulnerability and the necessity to move on from what no longer suits them and their growth.

     Vulnerability or what we call openness is an ordinary and necessary component of making our heart accessible in relationships. Yet it is often downright terrifying. On Jonathan's first official date with Shari, he remembered changing his outfit at least three times. He very much wanted to appear "cool". Yet, his sweaty palms were a sign that he was not. Jonathan's vulnerability was huge because his heart was wide open. Despite the fear he kept breathing deeply and continued to see our date as an experience of mutual openness and sharing.
     Intimate or close relationships provide us the rich opportunity to be vulnerable in the ongoing process of shedding our old shells and growing into new configurations. Our relationship has been an incredible journey of continual growth and rebirth. As we experience difficult times of deep vulnerability we are shaken to the core. Yet, we have both agreed to continue to find our courage and trust that by being real with each other we have more to gain than to lose. So, instead of retreating or receding into old patterns, we breathe into the fear and stretch to new levels. Each time we admit and stand in our vulnerability, we are actually standing in our power, and our hearts deepen their capacity to receive and hold love.
     A hermit crab will suffocate unless it leaves the old familiar shell behind. When its old encasement has become restrictive, it is time for crab to release it, which means facing that raw openness in between shells. We as humans are no different. We must rely on our capacity to step out of the shells we have placed around our hearts. In doing so we believe that our relationships become sacred pathways to an open flowing radiant heart.